For almost a year now, my son has been struggling with depression and anxiety. I’ve been doing the best I can to support him, constantly checking in on him, encouraging him to engage in basics like self-care and chores, and sending scores of emails to his teachers and care team.
For weeks, school has been a challenge for him. He’s enrolled online and has a lot of flexibility as a result. But as anyone who’s been through depression and anxiety knows, motivation can sink into the toilet when mental health isn’t in good shape. So, despite my encouragement, he can go days without doing any work. I’m fortunate if we do not argue.
Yet, today, he had a good day.
What smoothness looked like
It started with him coming out of his room as I let our dog out of his crate. My son chatted with me and invited me to see something in a video game. I made him breakfast. He played online for a while, had lunch, and then disappeared back into his room. We’d talked about him doing work for biology, but I wasn’t holding my breath. I was pleasantly shocked when he came out of his room, gave me a big thumbs up and silly face, and announced he’d done all of the biology work he needed for the rest of the quarter — two weeks worth of assignments in just a few hours, enough to raise his course grade 26 percent. (I checked and got an email from his teacher. He really did.)
Good choices affect everybody
I write about this not so much to focus on my son’s struggles, but rather to point out how precious a good day can be, not just for an individual, but for those who love them. When I went out with the dog for a walk, I found myself smiling for the first time in…a long time. It was the first time in weeks I hadn’t spent the walk worrying about how the rest of the day was going to go.
In my work as a business writer, I’m surrounded by individuals who believe in the idea of personal responsibility and life crafting. Yet, I’ve learned that sometimes we can be making exceptionally good choices, showing high levels of responsibility for ourselves and others, and it’s still hard to move forward. It’s still hard, because of what’s happening around us, to break free, relax, and be completely authentic. Everyone’s judgment matters. The butterfly flaps its wings and the tornado roars.
So, just for a moment, I appreciated that my son had made good choices, that he was in the frame of mind to do so. It made a difference for him. But it made a world of difference for me, too.